Education of children and parental couple crisis

Education of children and parental couple crisis








Help a young to grow, to him teach rules early childhood. A problem for adults often in conflict with a child King.



The child "badly high" is deemed be rude, disrespectful of the rules and other. He does not accept nor waiting or frustration. He is angry, capricious and disturbing.

This oppressive child is more and more ordinary. "Child King" at home becomes a schoolboy unmanageable and unruly, sometimes aggressive teenager who can endanger social order.

To this societal issue, why are the parents of today not always able to fulfill their mission?

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Traditional education: "you're going to see your father!"

Once, father, head of the family, held all of the "parent power". Education flowed around imposed rules. The child had to obey. Mother relied on the father for any punishment or decision: "you're going to see your father" and "your father asks" were daily comments.

Often growing in many families, children were apprehended collectively. The clothing of the elder were transmitted to the smaller. The company asked future obedient military (Conference b. Cirrode, psychologist, centre Tomatis, Caen, 2010).

The roles of father and mother were clearly differentiated. According to this traditional pattern, the mother holds the position of "Mothering": it is responsible for the care for the child and his food, his distractions. The father, to the position of "paternage", reminded the order, punishes and decides to responses to requests for the child.

When papa thunders, MOM console but lets say and do.
Papa represents the law, Mama comfort.
Natural complementarity?

The initial relationship between the mother and child is merging, legacy of a common intrauterine life. In most cases, the mother includes her baby in a spontaneous and intuitive manner. It decodes his Cree, MIME and postures. Sometimes if developed non-verbal relationship that some moms wake night seconds before the appeal of the infant. In this context, they suffer with their child and worry for him.

The father does not have these skills: it misunderstands the unsaid. This relationship between mother and child can bother: it is no longer the object of attention from his wife. Therefore, he translated his relatively aggressive annoyance. The mother, he said: "you make too"; to the small: "stop to move, screaming". It thus called mother and child to distance itself gradually. He pushes her child to autonomy. It requires a review of its non-verbal communication and the use of a symbolic language, a regulated form. Cree and anger must be put in words.

When the young go home by sad mine, Dad asks: "why you do this head?" "You're never happy air!" MOM can immediately translate: "he was questioning at the school." This natural balancing would be to link to different modes of brain functioning in man and the woman (idea challenged, see the article "men and women have the same brain?").

MOM includes the non-verbal, globally, directly.
Papa expects explanations.
Nevertheless, a few variations are possible: the father is more or less authoritarian mother more or less maternante.

The era of Matriarchy and the child King

In 1970, the legislation established "parental authority". Father and mother now share the educational power.

Contraception and the work of women limited births. The child became an individual, any family concerns. Education does lead more obedience but to the development of the child, which is expected early and exceptional capabilities.

At the same time, the company had two new models of comfort, leisure, fun. Needs more military personnel, but consumers. The desire of the child is therefore logically taken into account.

In 1990, the mother seems to have exceeded its legitimate right to 50% of authority. She would now take 80% of the decisions concerning the child (b. Cirrode, 2010).

Risk of unbalanced in the parental couple

In this context, it no longer accepts the traditional "paternage". If dad said "shut up" to the child, she defends her offspring and alleged that the father not understand: "but it is a child, he has the right to make noise." This excess of jurisdiction breast can lead to overprotection. Worse: the conflict is opened, which became permanent, can lead to divorce. Only way out for the former Chief: become mothering in turn.

The professional life of women involves a sharing of educational tasks. The father lost power but then approaches her child: accompaniment of pregnancy, childbirth and daily care participation led him to a better understanding of the small.

But the mother, in most cases, renounces not so its natural role. The child may then be over-protected by his two parents.

Papa thunders child and MOM thunders papa.
To overcome the conflict, Daddy imitates mother and let do the child.
The rule to the pleasure

On the "do as I say", education is passed to "what did you want?". Or the very young child is overwhelmed by desires: except during his sleep, the baby is eager to receive food, Cuddles, care and stimulation. Past the first months of total "Mothering", it is up to adults to distinguish what is needs and whims. The given answer must be different. The child is hungry must be fed but not of his flat favourite exclusively.

Cessation and waiting are required to learn one day accept the Act. Learn how to defer his pleasure is required to live in community. Today, the school does not include that a collective deposit is also addressed to him. School activity is unacceptable if it is not fun; the child, approved by his parents, consumers expected pleasure and opposes the teachers that we this new rule of the game.

The remedies

It would be illegitimate to advocate the return to past values. They also included very negative points. But, even if the power of mothers is legitimate, hypertrophy of the pole "Mothering" in the family is a problem.

The new parental couple is to invent, built on a rebalancing roles. Parents must realize their personal operating mode. It is perhaps to professionals that help is to seek: family therapy or parental coaching. It is probably an urgent need to organize this type of responses for the benefit of the disabled with their tyrannical child parents. Why step of training to prepare for parenthood?